We Are Not Gemüsed, stand-up comedy on Tuesday nights

By Andrew Cottrill . February 18, 2014

Why did the potato get the munchies? Because it was baked. See, vegetables can be funny too – at least as funny as fruits, cats, internet memes,  and jokes about white men not being able to dance. A case in point is We Are Not Gemüsed, the comedy open stage held on Tuesdays at Sameheads bar in Neukölln.

We are not gemused

We Are Not Gemüsed features an ever-changing line-up of English-speaking comedians, offering a whole variety of observational comedy, wise-asses cracking on life in Berlin, physical comedy, and even avant-garde acts such as the dude who dressed up as a robot and performed a skit of observational jokes from the perspective of a robot.

On entering We Are Not Gemüsed, everyone is issued with a free shot of Vodka. Why? Perhaps it’s to lubricate the audience so the laughs come smoother and easier. I prefer to think it’s to dull the impact of compère Paul Salamone’s razor-tongued crowd-bashing. Here’s a tip: if you’re a guy DO NOT SIT ON THE FRONT ROW. If you do, be prepared. He will mercilessly rip into you throughout the night. It’s his hobby. You’re his bitch for the night.

If you do decide to sit at the front, do your homework. If he asks “What’s your favourite vegetable?” don’t say carrot, don’t say asparagus. He’ll destroy you. Say Stephen Hawking. Fight back.

Paul Salamone

We Are Not Gemüsed is organised by Paul Salamone and Caroline Clifford. These two are consistently funny and make the night worthwhile regardless of who else is on the bill that night. That being said, the true star of the show is the We Are Not Gemüsed theme tune which Clifford plays on what can only be described as a child’s keyboard. It sounds like a techno track produced by the characters from Sesame Street. It’s cute, infectious, and starts the night as it means to go on.

When I was last there, being abused on the front row, Salamone admittedly made a faux pas by accidentally insulting the guy who’d come to write an article about the night for TIP magazine. After turning his attention back onto me, I told him that I too was writing an article. He brushed this comment off with a dismissive “No you’re not” and continued to tear me a new one.

Well, here you go. So maybe I got the last laugh? Or, considering I’ve written a blog publicising them for free, they have the last laugh. I don’t care, so long as someone’s laughing.

We Are Not Gemüsed. Berlin Loves You.


We Are Not Gemüsed
Tuesdays 8:30 pm-11:45 pm
€3 entry (€2 for students)
Richardstr. 10, 12043 Berlin


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