Confidence Man Help Us Make Confident Decisions in a Chaotic World
By Allison Krupp . July 16, 2018
Long-legged whip-smart Janet Planet, strong-of-jawed Sugar Bones, and their shadow band—Reggie Goodchild and Clarence McGuffie—are Australia’s Confidence Man. At the most recent Primavera Sound 2018, they put on the most dynamic, soul-affirming, dance-y show… Think: choreography, wild jumps, and—my personal favorite—super-fast costume changes.
Now, they’re bringing their irresistible dance tracks to Kantine am Berghain on July 18.
If you want to forget your fears, trot around to such blissfully-tongue-in-cheek dance tracks like 2018 album’s Confident Music for Confident People‘s “C.O.O.L. Party,” in which Janet Planet describes a man shoving a lightbulb up his ass, or “Don’t You Know I’m In a Band,” which discusses free drugs, a perpetual place on the VIP, and girls, girls, girls, galore—then this night at Kantine is unmissable.
We spoke to the one and only Janet Planet about living a confident life in these trying times. Lucky for us, she gave us answers we can take to heart.
How would you handle the following dilemmas Confidently?
You’re at a party, and it’s simply not C-O-O-L enough. You want to sneak out, but the fire escape is blocked by a heavy piece of furniture. How do you leave with confidence?
JANET PLANET SAYS: Kick in the window, rip your panties off and use them as a parachute to sail to freedom.
Your spouse tosses a vase at your head, and it shatters against the wall because you accidentally broke it three years ago and glued it together with superglue without telling. How do you divorce without getting caught?
JANET PLANET SAYS: Secretly adopt your husband as your son. It’ll make the marriage void. He’ll never know. Take all the money and run.
Someone tries to hook up with you, only to reveal a large piece of spinach hanging between their teeth. They’re relatively hot otherwise. Which confident move do you do next?
JANET PLANET SAYS: Cut up some tomatoes, capsicum and red onion. Add some balsamic and you’ve got a kissy salad! Nothing better.
Your drummer reveals his face to you for the first time. It’s the most beautiful face you’ve ever seen. What would a confident person do in response to this knowledge?
JANET PLANET SAYS: Poke him in the eye.
Berlin’s dark underground of sex clubs, all-night parties, and long, glittering lines of cocaine ensnare you for weeks at a time, post-gig, leaving you faced with the dilemma: keep partying, or go back on tour? What will you do?
JANET PLANET SAYS: Both. We’d open a confidence club and stay forever.